Shout out to all the ladies out there who don’t want kids and own it. Be rest assured that I’m not about to launch into a ten-minute monologue about why you shouldn’t get sterilized young, or assure you, infuriatingly soothingly, that you might change your mind.
See, even as a married woman with three kids, I feel your pain. Since the day my husband and I moved in together, people have made it their business to stick their nose into mine. And the very minute we said, “I do” people asked us, basically non-stop, when we were going to have children. For us, the answer was always the same. When we’re ready.
But you’re not so lucky. You have to deal with the endless army of people who think that everyone MUST want to be a parent and that you WILL change your mind when you’re older. Because who doesn’t want to be a parent, right? Isn’t it our duty as a species to populate the [already overpopulated] earth or something like that?
I feel your pain. Yes. I do.
When we got married we were bombarded with people asking when were we going to have kids. Then we had our first. He was no sooner out in the real world and people were asking when we were going to have a second. My second pregnancy produced twins, so thankfully the questions stopped about when I was going to have more kids.
The thing that bothered me the most was when I told people that I was going to go in for a tubal ligation. A great many people I knew were horrified that I was going to have my tubes tied. They would look at me and honestly tell me that I shouldn’t get it done. Not because I would regret it, but because it should be my husband’s responsibility to ‘get snipped’.
This made me angry on more than one occasion.
I can’t stress this enough.
It was none of their business.
Yet, there they were. Telling me how I should and should not handle my reproduction decisions. They didn’t care that I’d already discussed it with my husband at length. They didn’t care that I’d gone through two pregnancies and had no interest in a third. They didn’t care that I went into labour prematurely both times and that I wanted a tubal ligation because I wanted to be certain that I never had more babies.
All they cared about was the misguided idea that it was my husband’s duty to get a vasectomy. Even when I explained that he didn’t want one, their answer was make him.
They wanted me to force my husband to get a procedure that he didn’t want simply because they thought it was his duty. They had little actual interest in my own feelings and what I wanted. Some people would actually argue with me about it.
So I’m going to say this one last time for the people in the back.
Your body is your business.
My body is my business.
And you don’t get to tell me what I want to do with it.